I have never believed in God more than I do today and every miracle that my family has witnessed.
Wednesday: My world fell to pieces. My Great-Grandma had a massive heart attack. All I wanted to do was to run back to Indy.
Thursday: I heard the meds could/would cause internal bleeding. Sooo no meds to help stabilize her blood pressure.
Friday: Nothing new. Still wondering if it was time to come home.
Saturday morning: 0900 I saw a text from my mother. I called her promptly. I was told it was time to come home. My world shattered to a million little pieces. She only had 25% of her heart. They were going to take her off her meds. No clue which ones. But once they took her off them she was supposed to die. Her heart would no be able to support her anymore. My mother bought me a one way ticket to Indy.
Sunday: I finally make it home after crying for days. My mom looks at me and smiles. My Great-Grandma is defying the odds. She is damn near 90 and a had a massive silent heart attack that should have taken her life. She should be delusional and have hallucinations. She is smiling and chatting it up with everyone. She will be released soon. She will no longer be allowed to live alone. So my family will be taking turns living with her. IT is a true miracle that she is alive. The odds were against her. She has beaten those odds. The doctors say she must have an enlarged heart because this should have killed anyone else. So she could be using like 70% of a regular heart. I get to keep my world a little longer. =]
Gabby is leaving soon…. And I apparently owe her…Ummm she owes me from the plane ticket and driving down to florida bc she didnt have money bc she didn’t have a job…. But i owe her $60… really… really… are you serious right now???? Ugh Whatever. In a few days no longer my problem I’m just out like $300…. I am sooooo over helping ppl… Sorry but if you need/want my help prove to me you are loyal.
When you wonder where you actually belong. It’s not Indy. But I don’t think it’s here either. This is home. This is an extended vacation….. Something is missing. I dunno if it’s family. I have some down here. Maybe it’s that word “some.” When I’m in indy I feel more complete. I am with those who truly love and care about me. Here, they are fake. Just like the East Coast people… Because they are East Coast people. My closest friends are Southerns or Mid-Westerns. Says something, right? Where do I belong? I don’t know…. I wish I did. I don’t feel like me anymore. I want to just run away somewhere. I think I want my Mom and Dad. I’m damn near 24… This sucks. And my Mom wouldn’t reply to my texts…. And my Dad will pick up the phone no matter what, if he hear the ringtone of Ducks Quacking =] I need something and I don’t know what it is.
Realizing my “best friend” is ripping me and my other roommate off…. Wonderful. Oh and she was mad bc I didn’t text her all week… Bitch I have been busy with friends. Back the fuck off… Sorry I didn’t want to talk to you
It’s what I miss. It’s where I grew up. It’s where my other half and best friend are. It’s where most of my fake friends are.
Seriously, I thought I would never go back to Indy. This past week I have never wanted to be back soooo bad. I miss Jenny more than anything. I hate not being right down the road from my best friend. I hate no being able to see her all the damn time. What am I to do when I lock myself out? She can’t come rescue me. She makes me realize who are my fake ass friends. She will answer my call no matter what… as long as she isn’t with someone putting in a catheter. God I miss her. So much. I don’t know if I can stay. So much is going on. I want to run back home. Maybe that’s the kid in me or the adult making the right choice. Maybe being in Florida is running away from my past and everything in Indy. Maybe I belong here. I don’t know anymore.
I am over fake friends. My “group” of friends is dwindling down, fast. People who don’t reply to my texts, I’m beginning to cut you out. The ones who don’t feel it’s important to keep in touch with me, done. I am tired of most of my friendships being one-sided. Some people need to step up or I’m done. I can’t do this anymore…. I deserve better. SOOOO much better. For once I believe it.
Oh and I am talking to a boy. He doesn’t live near me. He lives far away, but that’s ok. He makes me happy and feel important. Although, he is a Pats fan… I’m thinking I can overlook that… =] He’s cute and shit. He makes me smile when I’m sad. So yeah…. And he wants to move back to FL. And if we both are still single he wants to be with me… He’s all cute and shit…. Maybe for once I found a guy….. hopefully…
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